Although at times we feel alienated when caring for a young child, we do not parent in a vacuum.
How we parent is shaped by how we were parented, family, friends, pediatricians, books, and prenatal classes, to name a few. I voraciously read every parenting book I could get my hands on. This is how I fortuitously stumbled upon the books that introduced me to the Eight Principles of Parenting that would forever change my parenting style.
While volunteering for Nurturings, I thought about how my parenting strategies have evolved. Specifically, a local Nurturings group changed my mindset about how children should behave and how I react to my son.
Prior to finding a parenting support group, I often felt resentful of my son's frequent night-waking and always wanting to be held. I kept wondering what I was doing wrong. I kept trying to "fix" my son. I kept a meticulous diary of daily events including what he ate, what I ate since he was nursing, bathing, sunshine exposure, and other obscure activities as I tried to figure out what was impacting his sleep. I was convinced that I would eventually find the culprit to his frequent night-waking without resorting to leaving him to cry-it-out.
In my attempts to find a reason for my son's night-waking, I found a Nurturings group near where I live.
The group of friends I made in this group rotated my parenting style 180 degrees. I threw out the daily journal. I started to see him in a new light. He didn't have a problem. He was just acting like a little boy and was only asking to have his basic needs met.
It turned out that I was looking for the answer to the wrong question. The problem was that I was unaware of the range of child development norms and the equally wide range of responses that would help him grow.
I remember one mama's advice to not count the night-feedings and her advice that "this too shall pass" and "they are only little for such a short time." My favorite quote was: "No mother has ever regretted hugging and holding her child too much."
I was fortunate to find a local group and have the support and knowledge from other parents that I am not alone. This in itself is very helpful.
Having been a part of a Nurturings group was especially important for me since I had been lacking support and encouragement in my attempts at parenting in the way I wanted to. I was more likely to hear advice outside of the group to stop breastfeeding my son at night and let him cry himself to sleep in his crib. It was through the Nurturings group that I learned that breastfeeding babies normally wake at night to nurse.
We tend to get caught up in what people around us tell us about how to raise our babies: that your baby will be spoiled if you do this or that, that your breastfed baby should act like formula-fed babies, that your baby need to cry-it-out to learn to fall asleep without nursing. Understanding child development norms and having support in a variety of parenting choices makes a big difference in the relationship we can have with our children.
The closeness and warmth that the Eight Principles of Parenting provides to children is important for healthy parent-child relationships that support healthy child development.
This is where parenting support groups are invaluable. They can be a resource, particularly for parents surrounded by advice that does not promote nurturing. Nurturing parent support groups provide a local support system to families. After all, as the saying goes: "It does take a village to raise a child."
Who supports you in your parenting goals?
