From dance camp to cooking class to swim team, drop-off activities can be such a fun experience for my kids. The drop-off part, though? That’s where things can get tricky.

Talking with other parents, I’ve learned we’re not alone. A lot of kids feel anxious about being away from Mom or Dad. Add in a new place, a new caregiver, and a new routine, and that’s a lot for a little person to handle. In my house, that anxiety usually shows up as tears, shoe refusal, or a kid who suddenly cannot get out of the car.

Over the years, I’ve tried a few different approaches including the classic “rip the Band-Aid off” method. You know the one: Walk your kid inside and leave no matter how upset they are. Honestly, that was just as hard on me as it was on them, and I knew I couldn’t keep doing it.

So I started asking friends what worked for them to help their kids through drop-off gently, but with confidence. Here’s what works really well for our family:

1. Listen - When my kids were nervous about starting swim lessons, I asked what they were worried about—and they told me. They didn’t know the pool or the teacher. They weren’t sure where I’d be. They were worried they’d be starving when class was over. Once I knew what was behind the nerves, we could actually make a plan.
2. Get familiar with the new place - I called the swim center and asked if we could do a quick tour. We walked through the locker room, showers, and pool area together. That extra time made a huge difference: On the first day of lessons, it wasn’t all brand new and overwhelming.
3. Meet the teacher ahead of time (& other kids if possible) - While we were there, I made sure the boys could meet their swim teacher. Schools do this all the time before the first day of class, but drop-off activities often expect kids to jump right in. We weren’t able to meet other kids who would be there this time, but I knew my kids needed to trust the teacher before they’d feel okay walking away from me.
4. Make a plan - My younger son really needed to know exactly where I’d be during lessons—and that I’d still be there at the end. Together, we picked a spot that overlooks the pool. We made a deal: hugs at drop-off, he’d go with his teacher, and I’d sit in that spot and wave whenever he looked up. At first, he checked in with me a lot. Over time, he needed less and less reassurance.
5. Reconnect - When lessons are over, I make sure I’m right there at pick-up where the boys can see me. Even if I’m in a hurry, we pause for hugs and a quick chat about how class went—yes, even if I watched the whole thing. I want them to know they can tell me what they really think before we rush off.
6. Talk about favorite moments - On the drive home, I ask about their favorite parts of class. At first, it took them a while to come up with something. As they got more comfortable, those favorite-moment lists got longer and longer.

These steps have worked really well for us—not just with swim lessons, but with other drop-off activities too. And remember that worry about being hungry after class? Yep, I always bring a snack now. 

What helps your child through the drop-off at a new activity?

(This post was inspired by "Gently and Sensitively Separating for Drop-off Activities," 2012.)

Before I became a mom, I used to hear parents talk about the “terrible twos,” and honestly, I had no idea what they were talking about.

Now that my baby is almost 2, I get it. There are moments when her tantrums completely overwhelm me. There are times when I honestly don’t know what to do.

I understand that toddler tantrums are a normal part of development and usually come from frustration, but knowing that doesn’t always make it easier to respond in the moment. Sometimes I give in. Sometimes I firmly say “no,” which I really don’t like doing.

Feeling unsure, I reached out to other parents in my parent group, and their ideas have been incredibly helpful. Here are a few things that have made a difference for me:

• Learning how to respond. I’ve been reading The Discipline Book by Dr. William Sears, and it’s helped me understand what’s really happening during those intense terrible-twos moments. One thing I’ve learned is to name my daughter’s feelings out loud when she’s upset. It shifts the focus from the tantrum to the emotion behind it and that helps both of us. I’ve also found that gently holding her and speaking calmly can really help her settle as I reassure her that everything will be okay.

• Noticing triggers. Sometimes her reactions catch me off guard, so I started paying attention to what leads up to a tantrum. Writing things down has helped me see patterns. I’ve noticed she struggles more when she has to share a toy or when it’s time to leave the park while she’s having fun. Knowing this doesn’t mean I avoid those situations, but it does help me recognize when a meltdown might be coming.

• Understanding myself. I’ve also realized that I can be emotionally reactive during her tantrums in ways that don’t help either of us. I think that some of my reactions are tied to memories of how my father disciplined me. As I work through these feelings and learn healthier responses, I’m also becoming better at responding calmly to my own toddler.

With practice, I’m starting to feel more confident when my daughter is upset and overwhelmed. It’s definitely not perfect, but it is getting easier.

What are situations that tend to trigger your toddler's tantrums? In what ways can you prepare yourself to be able to guide your toddler through these tense moments?

Inspired by https://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2014/12/11/tantrums-opportunies-to…

Mindfulness is a way of being present in our lives that can help us develop greater balance, empathy, and clarity. Research is showing mindfulness practices can reduce stress and have profound effects on physical and mental well-being.

Listen in on one of our classic podcasts -- a timeless and encouraging conversation with Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn and Myla Kabat-Zinn.

Jon Kabat-Zinn, Ph.D. is Professor of Medicine emeritus at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, and founder of the Center for Mindfulness in Medicine, Health Care, and Society and of its world-renowned Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) Clinic. Myla Kabat-Zinn, BSN, was trained as a nurse and assisted at births both in the hospital and at home. She taught childbirth education classes based on mindful awareness. Together, they co-authored the book, Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting, and lead workshops on mindful parenting in the United States and abroad.

Click this link for tips to bring greater mindfulness to both the joys and trials of parenting: https://www.attachmentparenting.org/audio/MylaJonKabatZinnAPILive91216.mp3